If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
