i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
