The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
