You just made me feel so damn special
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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