how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
