CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
