Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize