Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
