toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
