I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
