At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
