her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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