Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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