he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
