Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
