I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize