Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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