she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
