now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
