we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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