If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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