There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
