He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
