i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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