just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
