the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize