the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
