He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
