Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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