I accidentally had phone sex last night
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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