Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
