new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
