i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Pooping to opera.
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