Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
