so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
