He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize