KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
