This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize