Cold hands, warm shart.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
