the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
