You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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