There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
