I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
