matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
