My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize