clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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