I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i now understand why vodka
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
