there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
