Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
