I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
