please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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