also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
