Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
