I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize