Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
