I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
