Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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