found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
