Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
