I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
