that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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