I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
