no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
