That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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