my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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