U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she told me i tasted like america
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The ass gains better be worth it
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