he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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