In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
