Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
