You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
