you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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