nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
