if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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