Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
