I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
