Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
