I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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