I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My feet surprised me
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