it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
