The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You dont lie about slip and slides
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm too high and old for this...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
