I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
