wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Of course I have a pirate flag
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
