You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How naked do you want me to be?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
